I work with couples who want to deepen their intimacy by healing old wounds, changing unhelpful patterns, and creating more trust and safety.
If we work together I will assist you and your partner to create a relationship dynamic and a set of agreements that are tailored to each of your unique needs. We will illuminate cycles you are caught in, explore underlying vulnerabilities, and find compassion for what is causing pain in your relationship. I will challenge dysfunctional communication styles, projections, and ways in which you each might be perpetuating the very things you seek to change.
Often couples are struggling to figure out the right balance of independence and inter-dependence in the relationship. Relationships thrive when both members maintain their sense of self, their boundaries, and the ability to stand on their own two feet. On the other hand, dependence is an inescapable, healthy aspect of a loving partnership. Even the normal inter-dependence of a healthy relationship can activate childhood wounds. As babies and children we don't choose who we are dependent on, so we have to find ways to adapt to whatever limitations our caregivers have. As adults these previously adaptive survival mechanisms often get in the way of our creating a secure, healthy adult-adult partnership dynamic. Because of this we will explore your early attachments with your childhood caregivers.
A mutual partnership, where there is truly room for the full experience of two separate individuals, is a creative process that requires ongoing renegotiation to keep it alive.
This is the “work” of a healthy relationship. It can be a difficult and raw, but is ultimately a vitalizing process whether the relationship continues to grow, or comes to an end.
I work with couples of all orientations, at all stages of relationship. I am particularly interested in working with intercultural couples, couples seeking pre-marital counseling, and couples who are separating but want to meet in order to co-parent effectively.