Almost everyone will, at some point in their lives, experience insomnia. It can present anywhere on a continuum from a mild, intermittent annoyance to a debilitating crisis. We need sleep, and most people don’t get enough. This post isn’t about severe or chronic insomnia, which should be taken very seriously.
Read MoreMaybe you are wondering…isn’t a toxic relationship one that has too much conflict? Doesn’t it make sense to let the bad stuff go, and focus on fun positive time? Well yeah…that sounds nice, but so does having candy before bed and not brushing your teeth. In the end, that approach causes problems. It’s built on a fantasy that two people can ever be completely on the same page, or on the idea that emotions can or should be handled on their own.
Read MoreIn everyday conversation, ambivalence is often used as a synonym for indecision or indifference. It means something more though; having “simultaneous conflicting feelings” is different than not knowing, or not caring, what you feel or want. Ambivalence is a state of psychic tension in which part of you wants one thing, and part of you wants another. This state of dynamic tension can be uncomfortable, and can manifest as anxiety.
Read MoreI would like to offer a specific mindfulness practice that I have found valuable: Tracking the heartbeat along with the sensations of the breath. This is a practice that allows you to experience a cascade of changes in your body. The breath influences the autonomic nervous system, which changes your heart rate, which in turn slows down the circulatory system. Because you will be tracking two bodily sensations and their interaction, this can be a helpful practice if you can sometimes have a hard time with mental chatter while meditating.
Read MoreIf the therapist only works with conscious desires to change, a part of the client’s experience that is asking for compassion and understanding is missed. Inevitably, there is some function that the unwanted behavior is serving that needs to be understood and honored before it will surrender. Stated another way, very often the things that people are wanting to change are things that serve them in some important, paradoxical way. Compassion comes with understanding, and change comes with compassion.
All of this helps to explain why sucking it up, trying harder, thinking differently, or a “just do it” mentality doesn’t always work.
Read MoreIntimacy is a frequent theme in psychotherapy, a sometimes elusive experience that is recognized more by its felt quality than by any objectively measurable conditions. Clients very often come to therapy with issues that relate to a desire for intimacy in some way – anxiety about finding it, depression due to grieving its loss, avoidant or controlling behavior in an attempt to tolerate it. Some couples come to therapy having lost the intimacy they used to share, and others come in to understand the ways in which their relationship has prevented intimacy from ever truly deepening.
Read MoreThe majority of the work we do to regulate our emotions is as a result of internalized, unconscious early relationships. It turns out that infants and their primary caregiver’s nervous systems are so neuro-biologically linked together that the baby learns to regulate his emotions not only from how his parent responds, but from what is happening in the parent’s own nervous system. We continue to be profoundly affected by the states of other peoples’ nervous systems around us, especially those we have a romantic or attachment bond with.
Read MoreAnger signals that something needs to change, and helps us mobilize the energy needed to make change. Many people think that it’s not okay to feel angry, or that they can’t be angry and assertive at the same time. In fact, there is nothing inherently wrong with getting angry, or telling people that you are angry and why.
Read MorePremarital counseling works:
Whether measured by a random survey of households, or a review of prior studies, research indicates that premarital counseling results in higher relationship satisfaction, healthier relationship dynamics, and a lower divorce rate. One study found that premarital counseling led to couples being HALF as likely to divorce or separate after three years.
Read MoreIn each of the case examples in the book, Levine uses these tools to help his patients renegotiate their traumatic experiences. By coaching the patient to use their resources to prevent them from dissociating or becoming overwhelmed, Levine serves as a guide while actions, sensations, feelings, images, thoughts, and movements associated with the traumatic event are worked through.
Read MoreWhat we learned about the world and our place in it during this time is stored in implicit, procedural memory. Somatic psychotherapy is particularly useful in working with this unconscious aspect of our experience, which is primary in our early years but continues throughout our lives to shape our relationship to ourselves and the world around us.
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